Athanasios Alexandridis: ‘I believe in children’s creativity. With a little help, they can achieve a great deal.’

Read the fascinating interview given by Athanasios Alexandridis to clinical psychologist Magdalini Georgiakou for PsychologyNow.gr, on the occasion of his new book *Children’s Fears*, the second in his series ‘School for Anxious Parents’. MG: Your new book is titled ‘Children’s Fears’. How did ‘Children’s Fears’ come about after ‘Children’s Loves’? AA: A year after the publication of ‘Children’s Loves’ comes the companion volume, ‘Children’s Fears’. If one considers that Love—the life force according to psychoanalysts, or Friendship according to the ancient Greek philosophers—unites the things of this world, it was necessary, after Love, to examine the action of aggression, which aims to unite them by force or to separate and destroy them when they resist. When, in the mixture of Love and hostility, Neikos according to the ancient Greeks, the latter prevails, then all the phenomena of fear are created, from terror and panic to fear itself or anxiety. MG: When we talk about ‘childhood fears’, what are we referring to? What ages do they correspond to? AA: The book attempts an extensive description of children’s fears, but also of parents’ fears regarding their children’s development. It follows the developmental trajectory and so, after an introduction to the concept of fear, it examines chronic and situational fears, bullying within and outside the family, the fear of loss and death, existential fear, separation anxiety, fear of camp, addiction to digital media, and the fear of difference, politicisation and terrorism.In a way, we could say that the narrative begins with the fears of the very young child—those we psychoanalytically refer to as primal anxieties—which concern the question of existence in the world ‘in life or in death’ —which we experience very early on, though it will take many years before we understand it—and moves on to the fears associated with having discovered the other person as someone I need or desire, and so I fear being abandoned by them, their anger, their rejection, the withdrawal of their love from me.The book examines the involvement of parents in these fears, which are quite complex because they often recall or even reproduce their own childhood or long-standing fears. Throughout the book, a constant concern is the intrusion of the social sphere into the family, which, in the form of roles, rules or prejudices, is always present, compelling and, depending on the family’s ability to integrate it, either constructive or disruptive. MG: How do you think the times and society in which we live influence parents in their role and in managing their children’s fears? AA: This era of ongoing and global social crisis greatly influences parents in managing their children’s psychological issues. Professional and financial insecurity, along with the relative unreliability of institutions, have stirred up fears in most parents and adults, as well as the long-standing childhood and adolescent fears they carry within them.Consequently, they have less tolerance for difficulties, whether these stem from the environment or from their children. If we accept that most people wish to be good parents and often feel guilty at the thought that they are not meeting their children’s needs, their children’s fears serve as a strong signal that they have not sufficiently established themselves in their children’s psyche as capable of protecting them. This is also consistent with the anxiety caused by unpredictable social instability. MG: When should parents be concerned about their children’s fears? AA: Whenever they become concerned! What I’m saying may sound funny, but it isn’t. The fact that they are worried is a clear sign that something is happening which the child, the parents themselves and the family system cannot organise or, in psychoanalytic terms, metabolise. Of course, with your question, you are asking to find out what symptoms might indirectly manifest children’s fears, apart from their direct and explicit expression.Because they can manifest indirectly through all manner of symptoms at the level of physical dysfunction, behavioural disturbance and psychological distress – and because I do not wish for parents to ‘play at being psychologists’– that is why I have set the psychodynamic criterion of parental concern as sufficient grounds for seeking a specialist’s opinion. Sometimes just a few appointments are enough to resolve a problem. At other times, fear can be an early symptom that allows for timely diagnosis and the start of monitoring or treatment. MG: What about parents’ fears? To what extent can these fears affect their children’s lives? AA: Unfortunately, there are fears held by parents, or even the parents of the parents, which can be passed on to the child. These are what we call ‘intergenerational traumas’. Unfortunately, we do not have the space here to explore such a serious topic in depth. However, a child’s fear may bring such a trauma to the surface and lead the ‘bearer’ of the trauma, e.g. the father or mother, to seek therapy. In closing this answer, however, I would like to emphasise my belief in children’s creativity and the fact that, often, with just a little help, they can achieve a great deal. MG: In the twelve chapters of the book, you provide a detailed account of various forms of childhood fears, such as timeless fears (fear of death, illness, abandonment) and contemporary fears such as the fear of dependence on electronics, fear of school bullying, etc. How, if at all, are these two categories of fears connected? AA: Your question already implies the answer! It naturally stems from the common psychoanalytic foundation of our thinking. To put it simply for readers: timeless fears form the psychological substrate. On top of these, the specific fears of each era manifest themselves, such as so-called school bullying, but also the fear of social stigma and exclusion. I believe that the fundamental work regarding these timeless fears must be carried out by the family and the school, with the main focus being on recognising the child, from a very young age, as a trustworthy partner in making and keeping agreements!MG: Won’t children feel that such an approach places an excessive burden on them? AA: No, not if the contracts and their requirements are appropriate to their age. On the contrary, they feel more self-confidence when an adult regards them as trustworthy individuals. And there is no greater shield against fears than feeling self-confidence. Look at folk tales: usually, the protagonist starts out as a small child who finds themselves in a difficult situation and is afraid. But when an adult, for example a genie, shows them trust, or a group of companions appoints them as leader, then that trust enables them to overcome their fears and put their mind—or rather, the psychomental programme of their development—into action.MG: Have we made the news? Am I to assume you’re working on a book about fairy tales? AA: I’m not afraid to admit it! But I do have some fear about whether I’ll manage it. MG: After all the books you’ve published, can you still have such fears? AA: As I say in my book, fear, if it is excessive, becomes disruptive; if it is manageable, it proves useful and motivating because it spurs our diligence and ingenuity. MG: I’d like to conclude with the issue of violence and terrorism, which are very much present in our times and are discussed at length in your book. The fear of terrorist attacks or violent clashes often drives parents to restrict their children. To what extent should this fear determine parents’ decisions regarding their children’s present and future? AA: If I had to summarise it in two sentences, I would say: a) restriction is not the solution; b) the solution lies in developing children’s political thinking and fostering a sense that they are citizens in the making from a very young age. The main areas for developing this fundamental quality are the family and school. The third volume of the series, which will focus on School and Society, will be devoted to these topics.